Reality Chick

This month I’m quoted in Elle.com on how I’ve managed to stay married so long:

“Many friends who witness my husband and me sparring say, ‘I don’t think you are going to make it.’ But in fact, our constant conflicts have kept us together,” explains Christina Gombar, 50, a writer. “Nothing is sat on, it all comes out right away, and it’s gone.” Fighting beats fuming quietly and is a great way to air problems. It’s also an excellent way to take a stand, empathically defend an important position, and provide essential information about yourself.  Gombar and her husband can safely be blunt with each other. “We don’t take offense because it’s the norm for us,” she says. “All of our friends who worried about our disagreements are divorced!”

 Gombar sees her husband, Peter, as sort of a hedonist, with a passion for good scotch, fine cigars, and fancy steak houses. “He loves to spend money,” says Gombar, who tends to penny-pinch. Although she tried to rein him in early on in their marriage, she realized over time that she couldn’t change his fundamental nature. “Live and let live,” says Gombar, who has discovered that her frugality and his spendthrift ways seem to balance out. She recognizes that spending money, as long as it doesn’t bankrupt them, is his way of feeling safe and secure.

          In fact, limiting what someone spends can create a deprivation mentality, according to Steven Stosny, PhD … “Knowing that you can’t have something creates an unconscious longing for it,” he says.

http://www.elle.com/Life-Love/Sex-Relationships/How-to-Make-Your-Marriage-Merrier